The Fairytale Facade

When I was a kid, my favorite people to study and admire were women in their teens and twenties. I remember thinking that I hoped to be just like them one day. I dreamed that I would be as confident as they were, as beautiful as they were, and as smart as they were. I remember looking at these women as if they were movie stars. As a little girl, all I wanted was to grow up and love my life as much as those women seemed to love theirs.

One day I woke up and became a woman in her twenties, as if almost instantaneously. However, I didn't feel like the beautiful, smart, and confident women I admired when I was a child. As a kid, I imagined that at this point in my life, I would have it all figured out. That's the thing, I have to stop thinking like I did as a kid. My body may have grown up, but in my head I still imagine this perfect picture of a woman that I imagined as a child.

Despite the fact that I will never attain what my child self thought grown up women were like, I think me as a child would like me now. As a kid I loved it when adults would stop and talk to me, I loved it when they would play with me. That is something that has stuck with me and carried over into my relationship with my baby sister. I absolutely love playing with kids and listening to what they have to say, I hope my five year old self would be proud.

I hope my five year old self can forgive me for deciding not to pursue the "pop star" career I once dreamed of. As a child I had this picture in my head of me singing on a stage in front of an audience, and when you're young, being famous is the only way that makes sense. Somewhere along the line I realized that fame was the direct opposite of what I wanted. Don't worry though, little Kory, I still love to sing and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I just came to a place where I desired community and family above any hope of being a famous singer. Somehow, I think my five year old self would thank me.

As a child, I had a picture in my head of what love should look like, thanks to Disney. I believed that one day I would be with the right guy, and that it would last forever. My five year old self believed in fairy tales, and to some extent, I think I still do. What I didn't see coming though, was that love is messy and it doesn't actually happen like it does in the Little Mermaid. Unlike Ariel, I have a voice and I often use it directly, and some people don't like that. Ariel literally gives her voice away to find love, she gave up the very thing that made her, her, all for the sake of love. I did that too. I gave up my voice and my true desires and dreams in order to hold onto what I though was love. When that so called "love" came crashing down, I had no concept of how to bounce back, there's no Disney movie for that. My family and my friends helped me to seek Jesus and to find my voice again. My child self may have thought that my dreams were shattered, but what she didn't realize is that people are all broken, and God heals the broken to make us stronger. Disney doesn't have a story like that, but I do. I hope and pray that other little girls much like myself can see the hope and strength I have found by breaking out of the fairy tale facade.

But like I said, I still believe in fairy tales. I just don't believe in the fairy tales written unrealistically. I believe in the fairytale of a girl growing up to serve and glorify the Lord. I believe in the fairytale of a girl finding her confidence and beauty in Jesus. I believe in the fairytale of a girl falling in love with a man who loves Jesus above all else. I believe in the fairytale a that aren't found in movies or books, instead they are found in the lives of my best friends, my family, and within myself.

If you're still hoping your life will turn out they way you had imagined when you were five, stop putting yourself through that torture. We can not attain the perfection we thought we could as kids and there is no sense in punishing your adult self for that. Instead, take a look at your life and find the things your younger self would thank you for. Admire where God has brought you and know that his plan for your life is far greater than any plan or fairytale you came up with as a child.