I Fell in Love at Summer Camp

Sorry in advance for being a sap :)  


      I fell in love at summer camp. I never expected to find someone at all, let alone so wonderful, but I did. I went to camp to find God, and I found him and so much more.  I had just started to really move on from my heartbreak. I decided to work at Tadmor because I knew that was where God was going to heal my heart. Almost instantaneously, I stepped foot on camp property and my heart came to life for the first time in 9 months. I felt such peace being on summer staff and spending my time committed to Jesus.

      I was so focused on my campers that I didn't notice a certain someone had started paying quite a bit of attention to me. I was completely oblivious. I was enjoying camp life so much that I didn't notice anything outside of my counselor duties, that is, until I got the note in my mail box that changed my life.

      Inside this note several things I had mentioned to a fellow staff member were written. Apparently I was the first person to every mention that he looked good with his hat forward (which he totally does). He also brought up the fact that i had said that I like me some nerd to him sometime previously, which is true.

     Drawing conclusions from all of our interactions, he decided I was one of three things: 1. I have a very flirty personality, 2. I am really nice, or 3. that I like him. He also threw in the fact that he would have been fine with any of those three conclusions. I remember reading that note and being completely shocked. I hadn't realized that I had been flirting at all. But none the less I had been noticed. Something inside me pushed me to take a chance and get to know this fellow staff member, so I wrote back. I am so thankful I did.

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      Eight months later and I am even more in love. Every day he shows me more about the Lords character and challenges me to be more like Christ. He calls me beautiful like its my name. He makes me belly laugh until I cry. He listens to my worries and prays for me daily. He knows my heart.

     Sure, we have had our struggles. We are nowhere near perfect. We fail and we do things wrong but the most beautiful part of our relationship is the abundant grace of God. I have never experienced the grace of God like I have while pursuing our relationship. I have always had the tendency to doubt God's love for me, but he never ever fails to remind me.

     He is humble. He admits when he is struggling and openly discusses his sin. He admits that God's love is the only thing that cleanses him and never acts like he deserves it. He pushes me to practice giving grace every single time I get frustrated or angry. He encourages me to seek Jesus on my own, not just within our relationship. He sees why I love to sing and recognizes that its a part of who I am at my core. Even better, he shares that love for music himself. He doesn't love me despite my flaws, he loves me and my flaws.

     I thought I knew what love was when I was seventeen, I thought I knew what it was at twenty. At twenty one I decided love didn't even exist between two people, and that love was a lie. I thought I knew what a christ centered relationship looked like. But I knew nothing until God introduced me to that boy at summer camp. I knew nothing of the depth of God's grace until grace was all we had to cling to. I knew nothing of a soul mate until my heart became acquainted with Samuel Gerald Miller. I still don't know much, truthfully. But everyday I spend with him I learn more about Jesus and I learn more about myself. I used to believe that I could never be in a relationship that wasn't selfish or distracting, but I have found someone who points me to Jesus even on the hardest days. I have found someone who helps me to glorify God with my life. I have found some one who loves Jesus more than me, and thats more than I could have ever dreamed of.

Sit Down, Thoughts.

Take me on a trip far far away.

Let me travel to a place that I forget the time of day.

Perhaps somewhere out there, there is peace,

Perhaps one day I will get enough sleep

Eight hours a night still isn’t cutting it

what’s wrong with me, why isn’t it

taking eight hours and making me new

waking after eight hours and feeling blue

I search and look to find the cure,

Taking good deep looks in the mirror

But all I see is a plain girl who hates

Every single thing about her pale, freckled face.

When will I begin to love who I am?

when will I believe I am who He says I am?

how come I don’t believe I’m beautiful?

even when encouragement is more than plentiful.

Words all around me are positive and kind,

But negative hurtful feelings fill my mind.

I can’t seem to get rid of the doubt

In myself, the darkness wont get out.

In my head value is found in my action,

Always trying to gain love by attraction

But my value is found in the status of my soul,

This is something my actions can not control.

I tell my self over and over again

That Jesus love is the only thing that will win.

My soul’s peace should rely on him alone,

Stop trying to make yourself feel at home.

Your rest is found in Jesus Christ,

Stop placing weight on your self or you might

Fall quickly down to the pit so deep.

Give him your heart as His to keep.

On your own you can not stand,

Let Him lead you by the hand.

Stop trying to get the crazy to stop spinning,

Lean not on your own imperfect understanding

I have to remind my brain every day

Otherwise my heart is bound to stray.

Bind my wondering heart Lord to thee

And teach me of your glorious peace.

You are not who your head tells you to be

Because Jesus conquered the grave in victory

You don’t have to treat yourself with hate

Meet Jesus at his pearly gates

Remember your value comes from Him alone.

He is king and he is on His throne

In control of all eternity

He gave his only son for our iniquities.

Brain stop telling me who I’m not.

You are not in control, only God

can define my significance and my worth.

He declares my value is beyond this earth.

Sit down, thoughts, take a seat now.

You don’t get to control me now.

You have no authority over me.

Through Christ, I have the victory.

Why I Never Played Softball

When I was nine years old I was hit in the face by a softball that bounced off of a dunk tank. I was standing pretty far away, too. I wasn't even watching the dunking. But its pretty much my life to be hit in the face by something unexpected, and usually its some kind of athletic ball. I remember turning and watching the bright yellow ball move towards me in slow motion. I remember feeling frozen in time, my feet heavy and immovable. I even remember the exact outfit I was wearing. I remember many things about that day, but I don't remember how my feet freed the cement grass, I don't remember how I got to the fire truck and played on the front fender. I don't even remember the actual impact of the ball.

I opened my eyes to see people standing all around me, they seemed almost caked in makeup that make the details of their faces disappear. I remember I said something about them wearing makeup and we all laughed. When my vision cleared up, the first person I saw was my dad. I also saw the rest of the volunteer firefighters surrounding me. They had lifted me onto the front end of the fire truck, and started cleaning up the blood  on my face and on my clothes. I never did get the blood out of that shirt, and I never really was sure if I passed out or just fell down from the impact of the softball. All I know is that the memory of that strange event has stuck with me.

Thankfully, my nose was only bruised. By some miracle of God, I didn't have a broken nose and there was no medical emergency. I think my favorite part of the memory is that I was so quickly taken care of. I don't remember being scared at all. The volunteer firefighters and EMTs were people I had trusted all my life, and I had my dad. Even though I was hit in the face by a ricache softball, I wasn't afraid and I didn't need to be.

It might have been a freak accident that I couldn't prepare for, but the right people were there at the right time. When I was nine, I thought nothing of the experience except for the fact that it hurt and I was accident prone. I had no idea that it would still have significance thirteen years later. I look back at that memory and I'm in awe of how peaceful I felt. I'm thankful that I opened my eyes to see people I trusted. I'm thankful that it was just a bruise, and I'm thankful my dad was there to comfort me and pick me up.

This event is such a clear picture of how God works in our lives. Sometimes we get hit by something unexpected. We go through trials we never saw coming, and we fall down. We get scratched, burned, bruised, and broken. We can't avoid trial, and troubles will never just pass us by. That doesn't mean that God is evil for letting bad things happen, it doesn't mean He has forsaken you. Just like my dad and the firefighters were there to pick me up and carry me to safety, Jesus never leaves us and will pick us up when we fall. I had to completely depend on my dad and the rest of the volunteers to make sure I was okay. Trials and troubles teach me to lean into Jesus. God does not let us walk through fire alone, He is always right next to us.

When you feel like its one of those days where you've been hit by a softball smack in the nose, lean into Jesus. Let him carry you. Let him give you peace. Let him comfort you. Maybe your softball experience will stick with you and one day you can tell your story to encourage someone else. Remember, trials are just bruises, not broken bones. They don't last forever. You might never get the blood stain out of your shirt, but thats okay. Let your trials change you and shape you. God uses our pain to refine our faith and make our love for him deeper. Get rid of that old shirt, He has given you a brand new one, clean and without blemish. He has made you new. He will never allow trials in your life without teaching you to love Him more.

He has a plan, a plan to help you and not to hurt you. From the outside, trials look like they have no purpose and stand alone outside of God's plan, but that point of view is all wrong. Trials are pivotal pieces of God's perfect plan. Trials are necessary events that make us more like Jesus. Being a follower of Jesus is not a cake walk by any means. But life without Jesus is far more difficult. Because I follow Jesus, I can have confidence that my softball in the face moments have purpose and that God is by my side.

Perhaps if you aren't currently being hit smack in the nose by a softball right now. Maybe you are in the right place at the right time. Just maybe God has a purpose for placing you in a certain season of life so you can help someone up when they fall.

No matter where you are in this story, whether you're on the fender of the firetruck or someone standing by for help, your life matters. You have purpose. God wants you, and He loves you. You are inherently valuable, remember that.



P.S. There is a reason I never played softball like my sisters....now you know why.