This is something I have always struggled with. I am constantly in performance mode, trying to be that girl who has it all together. She's always on time, never misses assignments, is in good relationship with the people around her, etc. I have always wanted to do good and to do it right the first time.
Everyone knows the truth though. We all know it's impossible to be perfect. We all know that others struggle so why do we pretend that we don't? Why do I try to mask my imperfections only to drive myself crazy when I fail? Honestly, it's the people who struggle and still return with strength and unshakeable faith that inspire me, not the perfect ones. Why do I believe this would be any different for myself?
My brain is in constant battle. One half battling for perfection and a good reputation and the other half is fighting for my humanness and my mistakes. One half of my brain is concerned with what other people think of me and the other is only concerned with what God thinks of me.
Why do I let the fear of failure scare me so much? Doesn't God tell us that He can make beauty from the ashes? masterpieces from garbage? Do my actions really show that? Do I really believe in His grace? If the God I believe is the God of mercy and forgiveness, what good is trying to achieve perfection?
God does not use perfect people to make an impact. He uses broken ones. Adam, David, Jonah, Paul. Those men were far from perfect and yet they are the ones who tell Gods story. They are the people God chose to impact the world. God uses their brokenness for good, surely He can use mine.
I want to inspire people to love Christ more. He will shine the brightest through my broken pieces and imperfections. He called me His child while I was still a sinner. He says come as you are.
I can't be moved by my God if I pretend that I don't need to be moved. Hardened clay can't be molded and formed of its already covered with a shiny glaze. Wood can not be carved into if it has sat for so long that it has become rock. I can not display the glory of God if I am constantly trying to display my own. Jesus was perfect so I didn't have to be. And yet, He said that we would do greater works than He did.
God use me, right where I am. Use my broken pieces to shine your light. Mold me. Shape me. Move me. I want to inspire other to love you regardless of my faults. Help me break down the wall of perfection and open the floodgates of Your will. Thank you for loving me just as I am. Please help me to do the same.
This post is just blackness and can't be read unless you highlight it. (I'm tricky like that!). I liked this post though. Good thoughts all the way around. Love you!
ReplyDeleteIts fixed! Thank you, I don't have a clue why it was like that! I love you, too!
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